}}whatchu know 'bout me?}} kae

[Kaelie McAllister]

Kaelie's Journal

;;my innermost thoughts on the web

[Kaelie McAllister]

dear god.

I don't think I 've ever, ever, ever ever been more terrified about anything in my entire life. Never. Ever.

I think I'm pregnant.

Cade would be the father, of course. He's the only one who could be! God, I can't believe I would be so stupid! I mean, it was only one time without a condom. I haven't found out for sure yet, but I'm pretty sure that... yea. We cut school this one day, and we went to the beach. One thing led to another, and the next thing I knew we were done having sex. I'm not gonna lie, it was the best sex of my life, but if it's the one that ruins my life, it's not worth it!! I didn't even realize that Cade wasn't wearing a condom until we were done. I was almost asleep on his shoulder, but something just didn't feel right. I tried to shake it off, but it kept bugging me. And then it just hit me. I sat up and Cade must've thought I was freaking crazy. I was so so scared, because Cade was scared. You know, he's supposed to be, like, protecting me. I mean, he loves me. He tells me all the time. I love him too, with all of my heart.

But then he had to say it. He said, "Maybe we shouldn't see each other anymore". I wanted to beat his ass in. I was already crying, and the thought of him leaving me alone even just thinking I was pregnant scared the crap outta me. He immediately took it back and felt horrible about it. He told me he loved me and we made up. That's how long we stayed umm 'broken up'. Wow. How weird does that sound? I can't imagine being away from Cade to any extent.

This may sound crazy, but I kind of hope I am pregnant. Caden said that he wanted to marry me. I don't know if he was proposing or not, but oh, God, I love him so much. I'd marry him in a freaking heartbeat. If I am pregnant, then I'd have one permanant connection with Cade, whether we liked it or not. I know we'd get married though. Life without him would be miserable. How would I get over? I have no effing idea.

Cade, if you're reading this, I love you more than anything on this planet.

Love,
Kaelie.

[Kaelie McAllister]

good or evil?

So I sill haven't figured out if this little thing in my uterus is good or bad. It's bad for so many different reasons. Well, one, it's going to ruin my reputation as an ITgirl. That's not that big of a deal to me, though. Truthfully, I don't even know why I hang out with those preps. I mean, I guess I'm a little prep, but I hang out with all different kinds of people. When I came to Dayton, the only person I knew was Cade, who was in the ITboys, so I guess that's why I joined. I guess I could always switch cliques if I wanted. But then people would probably ridicule me more than since I'm pregnant.

OK, back to reasons. Before I go on, I better give all my readers a bit of info. Cade and I are getting married! That's right, I will soon be Mrs. Caden J. Harte. Kaelie Harte. Got a nice ring to it, aye? OK, so people think that we're going to have a shotgun wedding. Seriously, that's the last thing I want people to think. I'm marrying Cade because I love him. ell oh vee ee. He and this... thing that's in me are the most important things in my life right now. I'm always getting really really sick, too. Why the hell do they call it morning sickness if it lasts all day? I always thought people were crazy when they said, 'Oh I have morning sickness' and it's like 3 pm. But now I understand what they're talking about. But one day I ran out of Trig class to puke in the trash can and who was to show up but ADE! So I told her and she was all cool about it. So I was talking to her about me and Cade and she said that we could have her house. I was freaking ecstatic!! Seriously, how often does someone offer to give them your house? So now I'm forced to love her forever, even though I already do...

The only good thing I can think of, sadly, is that I'm bringing a life into the world. One day in about eight months a baby will come out of my body, courtesy of my beloved Cade. I have no idea what I will name him or her, but no matter what, I'll love him or her forever. Because they'll be mine and Cade's. It's the one thing that will keep us together forever. Besides our love, that is.

Love, Kaelie