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Post by zaydenconway on Nov 17, 2007 21:10:26 GMT -5
 stillSTRUGGLING has signed on.
stillSTRUGGLING: Heyyy, Ally are you there?
stillSTRUGGLING: I wanna talk to you. |
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allison benson- myers
DA Senior
The Nerds leader
love all. trust few. do wrong to no one. -shakespeare
Posts: 59
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Post by allison benson- myers on Nov 17, 2007 21:24:45 GMT -5
xxNERDYalltheway has signed on.
xxNERDYalltheway: i'm here zay
xxNERDYalltheway: what's up?.
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Post by zaydenconway on Nov 18, 2007 13:31:03 GMT -5
stillSTRUGGLING: Mk, good.
stillSTRUGGLING: Not much really, I'm just feeling kind of out of it.
stillSTRUGGLING: And I wanted to talk to someone.
stillSTRUGGLING: And you were the top person on my list.
stillSTRUGGLING: =] |
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allison benson- myers
DA Senior
The Nerds leader
love all. trust few. do wrong to no one. -shakespeare
Posts: 59
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Post by allison benson- myers on Nov 18, 2007 13:36:22 GMT -5
xxNERDYalltheway: well that sucks. i'm just bored right now.
xxNERDYalltheway: well i need to talk to someone too.
xxNERDYalltheway: i'm glad.
xxNERDYalltheway: your're the top of my list too.
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Post by zaydenconway on Nov 18, 2007 13:53:42 GMT -5
stillSTRUGGLING: Haha, probably because you finished all your assignments, what, a month early? xD
stillSTRUGGLING: Good to know . =]
stillSTRUGGLING: You know what I always get messed up over, and it's back again. I don't even know why this time.
stillSTRUGGLING: It's not that I want to be over it and completely forget about her, I definitely don't want that, but I would really like to not have to worry if I'm going to wake up one morning and want to kill myself.
stillSTRUGGLING: I still don't understand why I'm still so screwed up about this and everyone else has moved on. Sometimes I want to get mad at them, and others I want to get mad at myself.
stillSTRUGGLING: I hate it. |
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allison benson- myers
DA Senior
The Nerds leader
love all. trust few. do wrong to no one. -shakespeare
Posts: 59
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Post by allison benson- myers on Nov 18, 2007 14:01:05 GMT -5
xxNERDYalltheway: no. okay fine kind of.
xxNERDYalltheway: yeah i know what you mean.
xxNERDYalltheway: i'm not as bad as you but it still hits me hard sometimes.
xxNERDYalltheway: but you don't want to kill yourself!
xxNERDYalltheway: you have me!
xxNERDYalltheway: you think i've forgotten her?
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Post by zaydenconway on Nov 18, 2007 14:06:46 GMT -5
stillSTRUGGLING: No I don't, not now at least. But I'm always afraid that it's going to happen again, and I'm not going to be able to stop myself.
stillSTRUGGLING: Yes I do, and that's a very good thing. You keep me from doing anything stupid, and I keep you from being even nerdier than you already are. =]
stillSTRUGGLING: Sorry, I didn't mean you, I know you haven't. But it seems like everyone else has sometimes, even my family.
stillSTRUGGLING: I love my parents and everything, but they never really understood what was wrong with me when I was really in trouble. It made me think that they don't care as much as I do, and that hurt. |
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allison benson- myers
DA Senior
The Nerds leader
love all. trust few. do wrong to no one. -shakespeare
Posts: 59
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Post by allison benson- myers on Nov 18, 2007 14:15:32 GMT -5
xxNERDYalltheway: no. never again will you think that. get rid of the thought now!
xxNERDYalltheway: hey! yes i help you but it is impossible for me to get any worse. so there.
xxNERDYalltheway: i don't think they've forgotten her zay. i think they're trying to pick up the pieces of their old life and put them back togther. somehow.
xxNERDYalltheway: but they DO care zay. they just don't show it as much.
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Post by zaydenconway on Nov 18, 2007 14:21:13 GMT -5
stillSTRUGGLING: It's as gone as I can get it, and the drugs help.
stillSTRUGGLING: Haha, yeah it is kind of impossible for you to get any worse. At least I have an easy job.
stillSTRUGGLING: You're right, like usual. It's just so hard to grasp though, I've tried to explain it a million times, and I don't think I'm getting any better at it.
stillSTRUGGLING: I know I'm supposed to be trying to find a line between mourning her and living my life, but I still can't. It feels like it has to be one way or the other, and I can't seem to merge them.
stillSTRUGGLING: Like it's always when I'm feeling best that I'll think of her, and how it's wrong to be having a good time when she isn't there , and then I go down and have my worst times.
stillSTRUGGLING: It never balances out, it's like there are stupid scales in my mind that are defective and don't work. |
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allison benson- myers
DA Senior
The Nerds leader
love all. trust few. do wrong to no one. -shakespeare
Posts: 59
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Post by allison benson- myers on Nov 18, 2007 14:47:23 GMT -5
xxNERDYalltheway: okay i'm skipping replying to evrything you said just so i can yell at you.
xxNERDYalltheway: zay she is better off where she is now. and i'm not telling you to forget her, but stop remembering bad. remmeber the good. okay. i mean zay you can't go around like this forever. what happens when i'm gone. what happens if i disappear. what will happen to you? i'm pretty sure you'd kill yourself and i don't want that to happen. remember the good times and know that where ever she is now she's happy being the little girl she is. and she wantss you to be happy to zay.
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Post by zaydenconway on Nov 18, 2007 20:05:59 GMT -5
stillSTRUGGLING: Ha, didn't realize I was being stupid enough to deserve a yelling.
stillSTRUGGLING: Honestly, I know that, I've been told that so many times that I think it'll be etched in my brain forever.
stillSTRUGGLING: But it's so freaking much easier said than done.
stillSTRUGGLING: I want to be able to accept it so badly, but it never works. At least, not yet.
stillSTRUGGLING: I'm harder on myself than anyone else, but it doesn't get me anywhere. It's like there's something in me that won't let me move on, and I just want to rip it out and stomp on it. I guess once you're depressed it doesn't want to let you go.
stillSTRUGGLING: Maybe I should write some more music, that always helps.
stillSTRUGGLING: Oh, and I wrote another song yesterday. |
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allison benson- myers
DA Senior
The Nerds leader
love all. trust few. do wrong to no one. -shakespeare
Posts: 59
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Post by allison benson- myers on Nov 21, 2007 16:58:54 GMT -5
xxNERDYalltheway: trust be babe. you are
xxNERDYalltheway: and now i'll respond to half your message at one time xD
xxNERDYalltheway: i know but maybe it's time you listen to it and try to use it. otherwise you will go no where.
xxNERDYalltheway: really i wanna here it =]
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Post by zaydenconway on Nov 24, 2007 17:57:23 GMT -5
stillSTRUGGLING: Hm, I kinda figured that out dear.
stillSTRUGGLING: Yeah, I know, I know. I'll try harder, but my ice cream reserves are gonna have to watch out if it doesn't work. xP
stillSTRUGGLING: I can't believe what's right in front of me
The water's rising up to my knees
And I can't figure out
How the hell I wound up here
Everything seemed okay when I started out the other day
Then the rain came pouring down and now I'm drowning in my fears
As I watch the setting sun
I wonder if I'm the only one
Cause everybody tries to put some love on the line
And everybody feels a broken heart sometimes
And even when I'm scared
I have to try to fly
Sometimes I fall
But I've seen it done before
I've got to step outside these walls
I've got no master plan
Or make me stand up for
All the things I really want
You had me to afraid too ask
And as I look ahead of me
Cry and pray for sanity
Cause everybody tries to put some love on the line
And everybody feels a broken heart sometimes
And even when I'm scared
I have to try to fly
Sometimes I fall
But I've seen it done before
I've got to step outside these walls
These walls can't be my haven
These walls can't keep me safe here
And now I guess I gotta let them down
stillSTRUGGLING: -shrug-
[Lyrics credit to Teddy Geiger.] |
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